I feel a bit of a fraud writing that title now that my mood has gone seriously downhill but this is really about how I was feeling on Tuesday & Wednesday and even this morning.
This week (until a few hours ago) has been so good. Everything was just going right. I've been on my game with the eating healthily thing and even managed to stay wheat free. I'm not going to lie and say that everything was 100% clean because it wasn't. There was even some sneaky chocolate on Tuesday but it wasn't a binge. I wanted it so I had some and moved on. BUT I'm not loving it any more. I know everyone has days like this but it's just been horrible. All I can think about is food. It's actually on my brain constantly. I want sugar, namely chocolate and cake, maybe chocolate cake. I had a tiny bit of chocolate and I thought it would help but it didn't. I just want more. I know that some of you guys reading this will be like "Don't do it, remember how happy you were yesterday" and I know you're right so I'm trying so freaking hard to be positive and just look forward to tomorrow. I'll make the most of it. I never go to class on a Friday anyway so having the day off is no big deal although it does feel nice knowing that it is official and not just because I don't go to Friday's lecture. Plan is definitely work out on the beach, going to do some sprints and body weight resistance stuff, just generally make an ass of myself as per always. ;-) then hit the library. (It will be open, I checked).
Anyway back to happy Vicky. One of the essays is done AND I proof read it and it was actually pretty good. The other one I spoke to my tutor about and we both decided that it'd be for the best if I missed the deadline but did a proper job so I'm doing it over the long weekend and hopefully that way it can be good too. Maybe I'll pull this semester out the bag after all. Stranger things have happened.
I guess the main reason for my good mood was I have a very special person in my life. They've been there for a while but sometimes you just don't realise how important someone is until they say something that just makes you feel like you're the only person in the world that matters and in that moment (even though it's only for that moment because said person is very much taken) you know that all the bad feelings about yourself are not justified because really you are a pretty decent human being. Oh and of course The Voice premièred this week and was only the most watched season opener of the season on NBC and possibly in general and it's just so damn good so that put me in an awesome mood.
I'm very aware that this blog is really disjointed. It was supposed to be about how making the right choices and living the healthy, balanced lifestyle makes you feel great but to be perfectly honest with you I don't feel great. I've already cried once tonight. There are just a lot of difficulties right now and when these things happen I do comfort eat a lot. I said Easter Sunday was my last ever binge (in the end, by my standards, it wasn't even a binge) because I'm so through with that but I did come really close last night. I did comfort eat (it was porridge and yoghurt, hardly rock and roll) but it was one of those situations where I was physically hungry at the same time as just wanting something (or someone as is usually the case with me) and so I couldn't talk myself out of it with the "you're not hungry, you don't need this" self talk but it was so quickly becoming a binge but I didn't eat until I felt sick or anything crazy like that. It stayed relatively under control and I guess that's a step in the right direction. :-)
Going to get a super early night tonight and just prepare myself physically and emotionally for tomorrow. Some of the healthy living people on twitter are actually stealing my life *coughs* @MarkPT *coughs*. I used to be a 10hrs sleep a night kind of girl then I discovered I could get by on 6 and by "get by" I mean I'd be flying. Trying to get 8 should be easy right?! That's what you're thinking... But it's stupidly hard. My body just doesn't like it. It wants more. I really struggle to get up after 8hrs for some reason and so many days it turns in to 10. My body hates change I guess. (It's actually a fact that I'm allergic to change by the way. Even if my perscription for my glasses changes my optician doesn't usually change it because my eyes just don't like. We are trying a change this time so we'll see how that turns out lol)
I'd like to add a correction to my goals for the week. When I said go to the gym 5 times I really meant work out. ;-)
Sorry about how long this is and the fact that it's really just rambling on about nothing. This is something I won't proof read (I sort of skimmed it as I went through) because it's probably highly embarrassing and also goes round in circles, at least if it reflects my thoughts it does.
Enjoy your long weekend if you are getting one and take care :-)
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