Confession time!!

Here goes, my first blog post.

I've been inspired by so many people over the past few months to make various changes in my life and to take different paths but the realisation I've come to is that at the end of the day everyone's journey in life is different and what works for one person may not work for another so I'm basically just going to bash out everything that's on my mind here and then record which journey I choose to take.

Confession Number 1: I get obsessed with my weight.

There I've said it. This is why I fail at controlling my weight. Due to issues I had during my teenage years my family are very aware of this too so even when I'm being totally "healthy", exercising sensibly and eating a balanced, healthy diet my family get really worried that I'm getting obsessed about and then I worry about it and it's almost like I eat really unhealthily to prove that I don't have an eating disorder. How disordered is that?

Solution: Talk to my family and friends about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it instead of turning my eating and exercise habits etc in to secrets. Also tell them my goals and motivations etc so that I can't fall off the wagon in order to prove to them there is nothing wrong.
As part of this I actually have to decide on real goals that I really want to achieve. Up until about the end of February I was doing really well and then once I fell off the wagon the first time, despite loads of attempts to get back on, it never really happened. I have some weeks where everything is great but one thing I have found is I don't do moderation very well. I'm pretty much all or nothing. I guess I just have to work with that.


Confession Number 2: I'm actually in love with Christina Aguilera (We can't let this blog post get too serious now can we)


Confession Number 3: I'm failing my degree because I'm scared to succeed. It's a vicious cycle. I'm terrified to fail but it's almost as though I feel I don't deserve to do well.

Solution: I've not been dealt an easy hand this semester. I'm doing more courses than it is advisable to do and not only that all my exams are just one day after another with no space in between and all my essays are due in on the same day but I need to embrace this and take the fear with both hands and channel it. Set little goals for every day and I'll get there I hope.
Even if uni doesn't work it's not the end of the world. I'm actually really looking forward to it being over. Whether that's in 2 years or 2 months remains to be seen but whatever happens once it's done I'm going to live for a while without a plan or pressure I think.

That's probably enough confessions for now. I'm exhausted anyway. I hope you guys weren't too tired out reading it. :-)